Remorse Reconcile Repair

 I visited old spaces and old people who hurt me. This time, with a new skin. And yet, a rattling feeling emerged. The parts of me that were angry, confused, and betrayed remained loud. The parts of me that sought to be accepted and loved then, remain craving the same level of attention & care from these sources outside of my being with the same sudden intensity.

I don't understand why they remain & emerge. Exhausted. Not from the present moment or interaction, but from the unresolved trapped demands of a past self. An older innocence that craves what it craves. I feel like a leaky cauldron returning home or post conversation.

I tell my parts to rest. The one that yearns for this attention and care and support and love and tenderness and caressing from the outside. I say to it - I am that parent to you now and always. I will take the time to reconcile with you, to give you closure and an outlet. It's ok for spaces and people to not understand you. It's ok for these people and what they represent to reject you. Because they were never truly meant for you. The honour, consistency, dedication, commitment, value, honesty, and respect you seek will come from me. 

Dear little part, I will value you. Listen to you keenly. Even as these months circle through me, a resiliency will rise, and plans will be laid, and abundance shall enter.

No man you shall seek for now, No job that needs to prove your worth, none of this will pacify the attunement you need within that I only can give to you - The rest, the movement, the outlet. The expression you need.

Who was he... the many that was him? The dishonest, the cunning, the secretive, the unsafe, the manipulative, the abandoning, the silent, the disrespectful, the unsupportive, the superficial, the selfish, the user, taker, Non contributor. The one who sees no value, the one who has no curiosity, the one who does not care to express, who does not offer to give, the one who chooses others over you. DON'T DESERVE YOU. Never did. 

I will rather spend time, effort, and energy pouring into you. You have so much to multiply and offer in value, in emotion, in love, and understanding. Those who understand and choose to stand by and choose to be available and choose you lovingly will BE PRESENT and will not abandon. Will think of you, and you of them.

But for now, value yourself, measure your access, let no one reach unmeasured. Your sensitive heart and sensitive parts need a discerning audience.

Find the cool one, the contributor, the honest, curious, caring mind. The one who respects who lets you be and who accepts you and is willing to build something with you.

You're not a complete moron, child, or incompetent in relationships, you know? You are worthy and aware and flawed, but self-reflective. You deserve a love so deeply committed that your sadness can rest in safety and finally breathe in the security of your own spine, and the one who holds you will be stronger and have true character worthy of your respect. You will be claimed by the best soul that deserves the purity of your precious being; your precious wounds can rest and be tended to mindfully. The one soul who provides you rest. Rest that you deserve as you live and breathe this existence wherever you are and whoever you become. 

The one who will be a place to rest will come. And you will know.

28TH MAR 2026 Cavour, Rome